Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Anti PAS Experts Show Resistance in Understanding my Story

Mothers Abuse Children and Fathers through

Parental Alienation

****Parental alienation is perpetrated by both parents, it is not a gender issue. It does however, happen most frequently to men as children most often stay with the mother, and she has the power to brainwash, manipulate and abuse the child****

If you can find the time and the interest please read my story. Contact me if you want to ask any questions on 0433 537 270 or 61+7+5593 8660

I wrote to Kids in Distress, Australia and explained my case, while I don't agree with all of what they say. here is there letter as it arrived. I thank them for the time and energy they took to contribute to my story. The kids in distress web link is at the right hand side index, they replied with the letter below, still I feel they mostly misunderstood my position.

Dear Steve,

We understand your situation. That is why we are taking the time to write a lengthy response to you. We ask only that try to understand that there are a myriad of facets in any relationship, especially so when children are involved. The studies we use are a genuine attempt to examine actual court processes and outcomes.

In that our site is unique. Many “men’s sites” have no links at all to any others that do not support their views in their entirety. We have excerpts from many sources including the many ‘fathers rights’ web sites and media articles that state many opinions.

Our comments regarding what is wrong with the family court also relate to concerns by the ‘fathers’ groups and were formulated after many discussions with them as well as social workers, child abuse experts and mothers. We have a good relationship with and communicate with many “men’s rights” advocates.

The practice of one parent withholding contact to a loved and loving other parent at any time, is, we agree, detrimental to a child’s well being. However, the focus of Kids In Distress Australia Inc is on contact and residency matters before the Family Court. We believe that everyone should be concerned about the lack of proper investigation into allegations of serious child abuse. The consequence of which is that the courts are ordering children spend unsupervised time with abusive parents or reversing residency to the person who the child has stated has abused them.

We want to make it clear at this point, that in the context of the family court, it is impossible to prove abuse. That is because the Family Law legislation does not support it. The Family Court is supposed to hand matters of child abuse back to the States, as per protocols in every state between the jurisdictions, but the current practice is for the State authorities to just “wash their hands” of the matter. Their resources are limited, and as is usual, the evidence of the child cannot be substantiated sufficiently to prosecute the offender. This dilemma for child victims occurs time and time again in all abuse matters, family or otherwise, as I am sure you are aware. Police investigators even have specific directions to view any abuse allegations raised by a separated parent with caution.

Although a child’s evidence is mostly seen as unsubstantiated, that does not mean the abuse did not happen. It means that it cannot be proved to the highest standard required in the legal sense. The Family Court implies, and some interest organisations say that unsubstantiated equals untrue. This is not the case. How many children, even adults, are abused by other people in their families or communities, yet the charges cannot be ‘substantiated’ and the perpetrator is not charged? If it happened to my child, or yours, we would be devastated. That is why abuse victims are often not able to get justice until they are adults, and able to face a court hearing.

Unfortunately there are several realities that we have to live with.

First is that people have the capability to lie, to be vindictive, abusive, aggressive, violent, manipulative and cruel – to each other – and to those weaker than themselves – often children. Why? Because people have done so since time began.

Second is that sexual and serious assaults occur between adults and are perpetrated on children on a daily, hourly, by minute basis. Biological parents are not excluded from this atrocity.

Just as your ex wife is doing the wrong thing by keeping your child from you, so to do unscrupulous fathers abuse their children and torment the mothers by doing so. It is a form of power and some seem to get a perverse satisfaction from holding that power. We fully acknowledge that the situation can and does occur in reverse.

The courts do not and are not supporting protective parents these days. The right of a child to know both parents, regardless of danger in so doing, is being held paramount. In reality, it is the right of the parent to the child that is being upheld regardless of the consequences. But the denigration and chastisement directed at protective parents within the family court are different for women and men.

When women state the disclosures of their child, they are said to have a mental illness – a syndrome, Parental Alienation Syndrome. The problem with PAS is that it is impossible to disprove once labelled. If it were a true syndrome, it would be diagnosed in men who are protective of their children and report a child’s disclosures regarding abuse from their mothers. But that is not what is occurring. It is only women thus labelled. The syndrome was devised by Richard Gardner, a man of no scientific credibility, who wrote of the benefits of child sexual liaisons, and made a fortune in the courts touting his theories. No accredited psychiatric council has ever endorsed his theories, but as they are close to what is actually the truth, ie, people do alienate each other from children if it suits them to do so, it became a useful tool in the battle for child custody for those who wished to deny their unsavoury behaviour towards their wives and children. Richard Gardner’s life ended when he committed suicide by his own hand.

We now know this. We did not believe it either. We have never experienced marital discord or abuse in our own families. But we sat in the back of a court room, time and time again, and we saw what we saw. We suggest you do the same. It’s the only way to know. Really know, what is going on today.

You have asked us to take from our website that which is offensive to you. We say, it is more offensive to have protective parents humiliated and degraded for their efforts to protect their children. It is sickening to realise that by virtue of the insidious growth of the Parental Alienation Syndrome culture within our Family Courts and Child Protection Systems that mothers who are trying to keep their children safe are labelled as mentally unstable, and fathers while not being labelled thus, are also losing care of their children to unsafe mothers.

And so, instead of justice and protection for our children, in our community we have vested interests perpetrating the never ending gender war – fathers –v- mothers, and not enough people are saying, “yes, I have been wronged but I also acknowledge that abuse happens in other ways too . That abuse occurs in many forms. And all of it is wrong. And all of it needs to be addressed”. Too many are solely focused on what happened to THEM!!

What we need to concentrate on is not “him versus her but on the protection of children who are at risk. We have to find a way to have the courts or social services investigate reports of abuse, especially on young children, that cannot give legally acceptable evidence.

We need to ensure that those situations where abuse is occurring are recognised and the children protected accordingly. If this is done properly, then the instances of ‘false’ allegations will be minimised. People who may be prone to this behaviour will know it will come to nought. The new legislation is very severe on parents who are found to be making ‘false’ allegations – but have no procedures to find if a report or belief of abuse is true. By default, any allegation in the family court will be found to be false. If you accuse your wife of being abusive, it will be seen as a false accusation – you (probably) won’t be able to prove it, and the court, even if presented with documents, may not accept them as evidence, and may (most likely) see your attempts to protect your son as evidence that you are not capable of being a ‘friendly parent”. Catch 22. On the other side, when the court orders contact and a protective parent fails to facilitate it, the penalties are harsh – harsher than many handed out for crimes far more heinous.

How will our vision of proper child protection occur? We don’t yet know. But we do know that a decent person like yourself, who obviously loves his child, and therefore has concerns for all children, will be shocked, just like we were, when you realise that the courts are not protecting vulnerable children. It took us a long time to understand. We had to see it with our own eyes. Hear with our own ears.

The stories on our web site have been verified. We have heard the words of a child saying what was done to him, the same child of the very mother who was castigated by the judge for listening to and believing her child and is now on a good behaviour bond for breaching (forced) contact orders. We were there when she was told if she did not sign ‘consent’ orders the court would take her child (3 years old) then and there – and place him in the care of a known drug user with psychotic delusions and no fixed place of abode. That is the truth. It shocked us to the core that our courts could stoop so low. The consent orders made mention of the possibility that the father might take one of these turns. Ludicrous!! In the child’s best interests?? Absolutely not!

We are told by our ‘men’s groups’ liaison persons that there are many good men, who are kept from their children by court order for no good reason other than they opened their mouths and stated that the mothers’ care was not suitable. BUT they have not been labelled with the syndrome and that is the great wrong being done to mothers.

(We are waiting for their stories and verification and will be publishing them on our web site when available). We have also asked for recent and verifiable stories from men who state they have been falsely accused and the courts refused them contact. To date we have none, and no such judgments are to be found on the legal data bases. As mentioned before, a finding of abuse just cannot be made in the Family Court, and if the judge states there are an unacceptable risk, those decisions are being overturned on appeal. Yet, we know that it happens. We know because we read of the little victims who die because of it. We know because when some of those little children become adults, they tell, and it is only by God’s grace that not all have to tell their stories while asking for leniency because the legacy from child abuse is often criminal activity.

Steve, what do we do to protect these children and those who are yet to come through the system? How do people like you get beyond your grief at being excluded from your son’s life? You who have to start the legal process, learn to be a ‘friendly parent’, attend mediation, and learn to live a new lifestyle in co-operation with your ex wife when you will never forget the pain you carry now?

How can a mother, who has been the subject of severe domestic violence and whose child is ordered into danger also recognise that some men are unfairly kept from their kids?

How can children who were ordered into their abusers household be effective responsible adults? We would not do it to an adult assault victim, why do we do it to children?

“The devil loves division” Let us work to heal that division. That is the only way.

We wish you all the best and ask that you keep us informed of your progress. Remember too, that your son will always be your son, and children do not forget who has loved them.

Yours in co-operation and understanding

Laurie & Linda and the members of Kids In Distress Australia Inc.

Many people tell of us of their experiences – what they have learned – and we share them with others, in hope that the insights might be useful. This information will soon be on our web site in the hope that it will be of use to many.

· Collate and maintain records of family interactions.

· Talk to the various legal help lines and the Family Court. Speak to several lawyers, many offer an hour free consultation. Get many opinions re your matter. Think about self representation if you have no funds or no access to legal aid. Others who have no more than basic education have untangled the complexities of self litigation.

· Write to the other party, either by lawyer or yourself and set out your concerns regarding contact. Send via registered mail so there is a record of postage and receipt. Do have this read by an independent person so emotional content is removed and the content is contained to factual events.

· Maybe seek mediation – that is mandatory these days for family court proceedings…check with family court for details.

· Try to have witnesses to events when you try to contact your child. This witness is best off not always being your partner who will be seen to be biased towards yourself.

· Seek independent counseling or emotional support for your feelings regarding what is happening. Clarity and independent thinking will help resolve issues with less angst.

· Take some time to go to the Family Court and observe. Sit in the back seats, watch and listen. You will learn more from a few days’ observations than any lawyer will tell you. Especially if you sit in on a contested contact matter, but ensure you know all restrictions that are upon you as part of that observation process.

This story is about the abuse my son and I are encountering right now. It is also about the DEPRIVATION of liberty both myself and my son are suffering. To alienate a father from his son is clearly psychological abuse of the child by the mother and grandparents, my son is being deprived of me, the father and vice versa. Isn't deprivation of liberty a crime, regardless of the age of the person?
ngland to live with us for 7 to 8 months of the year. My son herein will be called 'A'. It has taken 3 years of my ex-wife devaluing me as a father to alienate me from him

This is my story. It is a honest and true account of how my ex-wife alienated me from my only child. I have never neglected or even smacked my son. Up until October 2006 my son and I had a very positive, affectionate, communicative and loving relationship. Our divorce was also very amicable. I moved out of the family home in January 2004, under the strain of her extremely interfering, negative and trouble making parents who would openly devalue me to my son. They would stay at our family home for 6 to 7 months of the year causing mayhem in the marriage, they then followed their daughter from England and eventually moved in permanently. 'A' is a bright, articulate and very funny little boy, aged 12 1/2 as of February 2007.

How can a once loving 'mutual' relationship be reduced to the father being told I can't speak to, write to, email to, telephone, or visit my child. if I try to contact him I will be served a legal order prohibiting me from making any contact. This happens to fathers across Australia - why? because Mothers are usually the carers and they can influence the child to the point it becomes too hard for the child to deal with and the child makes a choice, Mom or Dad, at which point the Mother proclaims it is the childs choice and not hers. The child then defends the abusing parent and rejects the targeted parent. The mother may wish to control or hurt the father, or they want the father removed from their lives, they use their own children to do this. Let's get one thing straight, this is CHILD ABUSE. Make no mistake, no confusion or misunderstanding ....this is child-abuse. It has to be accepted as child-abuse by
  • Solicitors
  • Barristers
  • Family Report writers
  • Judges
  • Parents
  • Psychologists
  • The Media. They are pretty much ignorant of PAS
  • Politicians
  • Teachers
  • fathers
  • Counsellors
  • Carers
Parental Alienation Syndrome will become widely accepted as disgraceful abuse of children, it will be outlawed

The Aim of my story

  • To bring awareness of the horrors of Parental Alienation to the world
  • For PAS to be crime and accepted as such in society
  • The presumption of equal parenting for fathers

The Story so Far

I received a letter from the Child Support Agency on October16th 2006 which stated that my ex-wife had requested to them that I cease paying her any more money as from that date. I thought this was a strange request so I rang her and asked why, she replied that she did not like me knowing her private income (approx $80.000 +)

How did this come about

I picked 'A' up for our day together at the end of October. He asked if we could play soccer and basketball first so we went to the park and did this. We then went for lunch and to the record store. We found we had an hour to spare so we stooped at a horse show we were driving past, in the adjoining field was a cemetery. We walked, holding hands through the cemetery at 4pm, talking and laughing as he made fun about my 'outie' belly button having it's own gravitational pull. We went to the car where his mother was waiting and as he got in her car he said "Ive had a great day Mum:. I hugged him and off they went.

In mid November she rang at the last minute to cancel my visitation. (Canceling at the last moment was something she did frequently) They were going on holidays 2 weeks later, which meant I would not see him for 6 weeks. I rang her and arranged to see him for a few days when they got back on December 15th 2006, she agreed to this, and even suggested it. That day came and I got no answer when I rang them over 10 times, no replies to my 6 emails and 6 texts asking for her or him to ring me and sort out my visitations. I considered they might have left the country, or moved interstate. After 4 days she rang me and said"Get Over Him" he does not wish to see you any more, she was cold and being very unemotional, she said I was harassing her. It was like she was a stranger and I had never known this person for the last 20 years. I begged her to participate in encouraging our relationship and to see him, to which she replied "I will do what 'A' wants, not you".

I asked to speak to him and he came on the phone and was like a totally different child, he copied her words but was stumbling all over the place and suddenly the phone went down. I have not seen my son since Early November. Where was that boy who had arranged to go go-karting with me when I saw him next?..how can this happen?

I was stunned and speechless and in shock. Three days later I received a solicitors letter stating I had severly distressed my son by walking through a graveyard at 4pm, I had made him take a cross off his neack (total lies) and had denegrated his mother (again lies)

My Son has Disappeared from view, I am grieving for my son. He is being abused by a vindictive mother

Losing a child is a massive blow and one that brings horrific grief and feelings of loss. I have endured disbelief, shock , anger, sadness, terrible feelings of injustice and loneliness. There is no closure to this, I may not be able to see him but he is still there in my heart all the time. This is torture and mothers that perpetrate this Parental Alienation show little kindness for humanity or maternal feelings for their child. The only empathy they feel is for themselves. This is similar to a sudden death and as my ex-wife said "just get over him". Society as whole seems to have a poor grasp of Parental Alienation and the mechanisms of PAS that can make a child turn against their father who they very recently had a loving relationship with

Bereavement Without End

The death of a child is indisputably one of the most incredibly horrible tragedies one can imagine. Whether by sudden accidental circumstance, or by a more lengthy cause as in illness, the loss of a child is undeniably painful to experience.Painful to the parents, parents to the family, and painful to anyone related to the child.

Never knowing the laughter of that child again or the tears, the joys and the accomplishments is a pain no parent should ever have to endure, and yet it happens. No one is to blame. It just happens. Imagine the same pain and the same sense of loss, with one exception-the parent is very much aware that the child is alive.

The effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome are very similar to the loss of a child due to accident or illness. For the parent who has been alienated from their child, the bereavement does not end. How do we know? Each alienated parent separately, and all of us collectively have lived with both the cause and the effect of Parental Alienation for countless years. Like a terminally fatal childhood disease, Parental Alienation rips the innocent child from your arms slowly. You witness the suffering. You witness the effects. You can feel the impending doom is inevitable, but you are powerless to do anything about it. You try remedy after remedy hoping that one will finally rid your child of the "disease". You work like a person possessed in order to finance the efforts, and when the final blow comes, it is emotionally devastating. You question yourself. You blame yourself for the loss. You tell yourself you should have done more. The very sad part of the story, is it is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of children and parents affected by PAS.

We beg of those with the power to make people aware of this devastatingly horrible phenomena, to please do all they can to educate people on its effects, and to change the laws to protect the innocence of the children involved. Only then can we truly hope to keep children safe from the harmful side effects that are inherent with Parental Alienation itself. It's killing the spirit of family everywhere.

The real victim

My son may or may not get to have a dad and he will lose the positive influence I had in his life.

Bettina Arndt's Article Slamming the ABC

Below is a text version of Bettina's Arndt's article, slamming FemiNasty Aunty (the ABC) for dishonesty and bias. This time, they lied by claiming that Parental Alienation was thoroughly discredited"

The American psychological association has an official position of ""Rhea K. Farberman, Executive Director of Public and Member Communications of the American Psychological Association, these claims are "incorrect" and "inaccurate." Farberman says that the APA "does not have an official position on parental alienation syndrome - pro or con."

Journalist, Bettina Arndt is one of the great supporters of children, fathers and families, and deserves our respect. The slowly dying Baby-Boomer papers (the Sydney Morning Feminist and the Melbourne Middle-Age) don't print her stuff anymore. "The Australian" and the "West Australian" newspapers is less biased.

One-eyed look at tug of love


4 March 2007

Sunday Tasmanian (and the West Australian "Aunty Brainwashed on Parental Alienation")

ABC management is supposedly watching out for bias and distortion. They should take a hard look at Radio National's Background Briefing. For one-eyed, ideologically driven agendas, this documentary series would be hard to beat. Take the recent program on parental alienation in custody cases.

Talk to people and you'll find most know of acrimonious divorce cases where one parent has attempted to alienate the children from the other parent. It happens often.

Usually it's the custodial mother who is influencing the children but now that more fathers are having significant access there are men behaving equally badly. Parental alienation exists -- that's a no-brainer.

But what is more controversial is whether this brainwashing of children amounts to a psychological disorder, as was suggested more than 20 years ago by American psychiatrist Richard Gardner.

Gardner proposed that parents deliberately programming children to hate the other parent -- Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS -- was only one of the many complex family patterns that can result in alienated children.

PAS became widely acknowledged as a common part of the divorce story.

The issue of whether there really is PAS has recently come under question, with experts quarrelling over whether it makes it onto the various lists of mental disorders.

That's why Background Briefing decided to weigh in, arguing that PAS has now been discredited yet claiming it is still being used in the Australian Family Court to remove children from their mothers and hand them over to abusing fathers. What a load of hogwash.

Gardner did suggest that in rare cases of PAS -- perhaps 10 per cent -- the hatred and distorted thinking of the alienating parent was such that it was sometimes better to remove the child, where, for instance, a child was dragged through repeated examinations following false allegations of sexual abuse.

Lawyers defending fathers against such false allegations do use Gardner's theory to argue for a change in custody, with some success in the US.

But Background Briefing takes this further by digging up a dubious US expert who claimed PAS had become a cancer in their family court, resulting in experts recommending five-year-old children be handcuffed and removed from the "protective" parent and handed over to fathers who have sodomised them.

Such scaremongering stories are far from the reality in the Australian courts. It is extremely rare that our courts ever rule that children be removed from custodial parents.

It just doesn't happen unless there is overwhelming evidence that the parent is unfit -- as the Chief Justice Diana Bryant pointed out in the program -- but her voice was drowned out by people claiming, without any proper evidence, that she was wrong.

For much of the program, Background Briefing revised the tired old issue of whether there are false claims of sexual abuse. These often are at the heart of PAS cases because the alienating parent uses them to try to discredit the other parent.

It glossed over a comment by Professor Kim Oates pointing out false accusations are far higher in custody cases, where they usually stem not from children but from a parent.

It suggested women are always victims and that the courts are manipulated by dangerous men keen to damage their own children. Instead of this tired old propaganda, why don't these radio producers wake up to the real news -- that children's matters are now to be largely kept out of the courts and dealt with by mediators aiming to help parents stop all these games.

Support my campaign to stop physical punishment of children

Govts urged to make

smacking children illegal

The Australian Childhood Foundation is calling for laws to ban parents from smacking their children.

It has released a survey of 720 adults that shows 45 per cent of participants believe it is okay to leave a mark on a child as a result of physical punishment.

The foundation's chief executive, Joe Tucci, says the law needs to be changed to provide more protection for children.

"We'd like to see all state governments repeal the defence of lawful correction, which means that children will be given the same protection under law as adults to charges of assault," he said.

"What we have to do is try to change the mind-set of the community by changing the law to make sure that people no longer see physical punishment as an effective disciplinary strategy."


1 comment:

Louise said...

PAS bites and you are right we MUST educate as many people as we can, I would like to ask you a question please contact me at HaveUmistakenMe@aol.com write BLOG QUESTION in the subject line ..thanks