Thursday, February 22, 2007

Parental Alienation hurts Children and Fathers

"Give PAS a chance"

I am presently working on a project aimed at helping fathers to handle the PAS situation and to bond better with their children (if thats needed) this includes counselling and education through literature. Understanding perceptions of PAS and focusing on the important stuff. I understand how complicted, formidable, emotional and frustrating this subject is...all ideas will be gratefully received
Steve on
0433 537 270
07-55938660
parentalalienation@gmail.com

The recent Brisbane case of the father that took *HIS* three children from school to his home has been handled dreadfully by the media, with cries of "safety for the children", this is the father of these children, not a kidnapper, why should he be excluded and vilified in this way, it was sickening the way the judge sent the media on a witch hunt to find him

As I state above - My son is back in my arms, ringing me, telling me he loves me. Its been the worst 6 months of my life. The person I married and once loved, lived with and had children with, to have so little value, with little understanding, or empathy for me and my relationship with my son, is shocking. My life will never be the same again, I am a different person now, this will never happen again because if she tries to alienate us again, my reaction will be different. My heart and hand goes out to all the men that are being denied access to their children because of a bitter and difficult divorce or for whatever reason this is happening to you. Make sure you are in a 'safe psychological place' first, then deal with it. if you need help please ring me at anytime, I've been to hell and back and its a journey I didn't navigate well. Now I thank her for the outcome because I am better for it and she, I guess, isn't.

My heart felt thanks to everyone who has supported me, listened to me whine on, wrote affidavits, character references, rang me up with advice, debbie who probably saved me from a possible meltdown, Sugar (a wise 90 year old lady, whom I love dearly), Helen, Maree, Alan, Joanna, Matt, Sally, Fiz, Jamie, Simon, Rob,Geoff, Dan, the fathers 4 equality group and dads in distress,
and everyone else who helped me keep my self together while all the while I was asking why! why! why!

why? - because she can and the law allows it to happen...Something has to change
I am now writing a book on this subject
love to all

To my ex-wife - what you think of me is none of my business, I hold no resentment or anger towards you or your parents. You know deep down and in your quietest moments, what you have done and that is you successfully, for 6 months broke the ties that bind me and my son together. I hope it has all been worth it. You refused 5 requests for independant mediation! and you stopped his email account so I could not contact him. Children, however never forget those that have loved them. Time will expose the truth. I now you keep blaming our son and I also hope one day you see through this error.

PLEASE READ MY
STORY
AFTER READING THIS I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING;

"any attempt by a parent to alienate a child
from the other parent, should be
seen as a direct and willful violation
of one of the prime duties of parenting,
the punishment, public outcry, media attention
and legal ramifications, should
without question, be as focused as
any other instance of child abuse"

*PARENTAL ALIENATION IS NOT A GENDER ISSUE*

BOTH SEXES ALIENATE, HOWEVER, THE CUSTODIAL PARENT IS THE USUALLY THE ALIENATING PARENT AND THE NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT THE TARGET PARENT

NOT ONE EXPERT HAS PROVED TO ME THIS SYNDROME OR DISORDER CALLED PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME DOES NOT EXIST. BELIEVE ME ONCE IT'S HAPPENED TO YOU THE WAY IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, YOU KNOW ITS REAL.

The relationship I had with my son was and is beautiful, with great communication and my-ex wife tried to destroy it. It feels like I am in a film and it's happening to someone else, I dream about my son, how his hair smells his smile the way we used to laugh together, the jokes we told each other. Now she says he was 'acting".

MY SON AND I ARE PRESENTLY BEING ALIENATED FROM EACH OTHER BY HIS MOTHER. HE HAS STARTED SUPPORTING HER NOW, WHAT CHOICE DOES HE HAVE? WE HAD A LOVING AND POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP AND THROUGH MONTHS OF SUBTLE DENIGRATION OF ME, INCLUDING CANCELLING MY VISITATIONS AT THE LAST MOMENT AND INVOLVING HIM IN CONVERSATIONS AND SITUATIONS THAT ARE NOT HIS BUSINESS, HE HAS FINALLY CAVED IN. HE NOW SUPPORTS THE ABUSING ALIENATING PARENT (HIS MOTHER), AS ABUSED CHILDREN OFTEN DO.

1. THERE IS NO HISTORY OF ABUSE OR VIOLENCE
2. I HAVE NEVER SMACKED OR HARMED MY SON IN ANYWAY
3. WE HAD AN AMICABLE DIVORCE
4. SOLICITORS WERE NOT INVOLVED
5. WE HAD A INFORMAL VISITATION AGREEMENT WE WROTE BETWEEN THE THREE OF US
6. SHE STOPPED THE C$A FROM TAKING MONEY FROM ME, I HAVE THEIR LETTER
7. SHE TOLD ME MY SON HAS BEEN ACTING WHEN HE IS WITH ME (HOW CRUEL IS THIS)
8. THE SIGNS WERE THERE THAT I WAS BEING PUSHED OUT AND DEVALUED BY HER AND HER PARENTS BUT I NEVER SAW THEM, UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, IT'S A LONG LONG PROCESS

I CAN'T TELEPHONE HIM, RING HIM, SEE HIM, OR WRITE TO HIM, SHE HAS CANCELLED HIS EMAIL ADDRESS. IF I DO SHE CLAIMS HARASSMENT AND ABUSE.
SHE WON'T GIVE IN, SHE BELIEVES SHE OWNS HIM AND ALWAYS WILL, IN THE SAME MANNER HER PARENTS (WHO CAME FROM ENGLAND TO LIVE WITH US FOR 7 MONTHS OF THE YEAR AND NOW LIVE WITH MY-EX AND MY SON PERMANENTLY) OWN HER. SHE IS NOW MAKING SEVERAL FALSE ALLEGATIONS, MY FEAR IS SHE COULD MAKE A FALSE ALLEGATION TOO MANY AND DAMAGE MY ATTEMPT TO SEE MY SON. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? BECAUSE SHE CAN, BECAUSE SHE IS THE MOTHER WITH CONTROL OVER HIM. IT'S ABUSE OF THE CHILD AND FATHER. MOTHERS DO ABUSE CHILDREN IN MANY DIFFERENT FORMS, I AM SUFFERING FROM THE EFFECTS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION, IE LOSS AND GRIEF AND MOURNING FOR THE LOSS OF MY SON, WHO I HAVE NOT SEEN FOR 5 MONTHS NOW.

SHE IS DOING THIS BECAUSE IT WORKS FOR HER AND NO ONE FINDS OUT. IT'S OUTRAGEOUS THAT THIS CAN HAPPEN AND CHILDREN CAN BE ABUSED IN THIS WAY.

*FROM THE MOMENT I START PROTESTING I WAS ON A BAD ROAD TO HELL*

How is she alienating me from my son?
Two methods!

1. MY ATTEMPTS AT CONTACTING HER ARE SEEN AS HARASSMENT
.
THROUGH THIS FALSE ALLEGATION SHE USES SOLICITORS LETTERS TO ALIENATE ME FROM BEING ABLE TO CONTACT HER TO ORGANISE TO SEE MY SON.
2. SHE CLAIMS THAT MY ATTEMPTS AT CONTACTING HIM CAUSES HIM DISTRESS.
THIS FALSE ALLEGATION STOPS ME TALKING TO HIM! SO I BECOME ALIENATED FROM MY SON.
MANY MEN BECOME DEPRESSED, SUICIDE IS OFTEN AN OPTION. NOT ME THOUGH, I WILL FIGHT AND CONTINUE TO ATTEMPT TO SEE MY SON AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE

PLEASE CONTACT ME OR AND LEAVE ANY COMMENT YOU WANT ON THIS SITE AND LINK MY BLOG TO ANYWHERE YOU WANT - GET INVOLVED AND SUPPORT BRINGING AWARENESS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION TO THE WORLD. OFFER ME ADVICE, IT'S WELCOME.
  • Write to your MP
  • The Family Law Courts
  • Teachers
  • School Counsellors (for whatever use they are)
  • your solicitor
Ask them what there opinions are on PAS, if they don't have one then educate them

IT IS A SICK SOCIETY AND A CORRUPT COURT SYSTEM THAT ALLOWS THIS TO HAPPEN. I BELIEVE THE COURTS TURN A BLIND EYE TO THIS FORM OF CHILD ABUSE. STATISTICS ARE NOW SHOWING MOTHERS ABUSE CHILDREN MUCH MORE THAN FIRST CONSIDERED. OVER 90 RECENT STUDIES IN MANY COUNTRIES HAVE SHOWN THIS TO BE TRUE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ THESE REPORTS THEN PLEASE CONTACT ME AT MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS:
parentalalienation@gmail.com

READ ON AND FOLLOW THE LINKS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THIS BLOG. UNDERSTAND HOW THE INSIPID AND VILE PROCESS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION IS USED ON CHILDREN AND FATHERS

*Support the presumption of equal parenting, it works*
First, I believe that many mothers or fathers who alienate children from a parent have a personality disorder such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Click the links on NPD on the right, it helped me understand the process and what type of person I was dealing with. Just because I lived with her for 15 years it doesn't mean I knew her, does it?

Psychologists say that 75% of Narcissists are men and 25% women. They also say that 1% of people are Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) I have a very strong gut feeling that it is much higher than this.

Please go to the links at the top and read. A parent that is alienating a child and is showing 6 of the symptoms of NPD you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill and it is really crazy making for you to try to work out
why they are doing what they do.

The children in the centre of this are unlikely to become Narcissists, just because the parent is, they can however, grow up to choose a Narcissist for a partner......acting out what they learned to deal with as a child. Malignant Self Love by Sam Viknan is a very worthy read.

11 comments:

SCB said...

Steve,
Have you read the article posted in The American Journal of Family Therapy titled
"Unadulterated Arrogance: Autopsy of the
Narcissistic Parental Alienator" by Summers and Summers.
It addresses the issue of NPD and PAS.
If you have not and would like access to it, you can contact me and I can send you a copy of the article in full. Very interesting read.

Mitch said...

I have been the victim of Maternal Alienation. My ex-husband used to abuse me physically by repeated punching on my head, I cannot remember the cause of any of the incidents, he would flare up for no reason, break things around the house; and then when my daughter was born he used to threaten to throw her on the floor if I didn't comply. It has now been 25 years since the birth of my daughter, she started hating me from about the age of 2 when I had to go into hospital with pregnancy complications. At first I put it down to her jealousy of her new brother (he was born with Downs Syndrome) but it continued for so many years, and is still ongoing, that I thought that I was a bad mother. I have found the following site very helpful in that Maternal Alienation is starting to be recognised in situations of Domestic Violence - I am not a bad mother, I was a good enough mother! Find a fact sheet on Maternal Alienation on http://www.whs.sa.gov.au/pub.php?disp=M

Judith said...

Fathers dont stop the contact. The child will always wonder if you wanted contact and as long as you fight to get connection they will know you care. Yes children do know the parent that really cares and the other that doesn't. I have been there. I am 39.

I have always wanted a father healthy one because of my own bio not being there. So the desire of knowing down deep inside of wanting contact with a father is there and will never go away.

It is design to never go away. A child knows when a parent is being controlling and can control the situation too-the child-in order to get contact with the parent that cares. I am speaking from personal experience. Please dont give up. If it was a woman who is a mother in the same situation-I would say the same thing to her. Gender knows no bounds.

I am 39. A child only hates out of fear and knowing nothing else. But deep down longs for a father and or mother who cares and wants them. It is the emotional issue the child has to work through. THis is mostly evident in abusive situations/domestic violence because that is based on control.

Judith
from yahoogroup

Anna said...

I sent the children to live with their father by consent thinking he would be happy with that and everything would be fine with all of us. Now my daughter and son have told me that they don't trust me as their dad has told them all the terrible things I allegedly did to him during the marriage. I asked him to stop this behaviour as it was affecting my relationship with them and he accused me of coaching them to lie about his conversations with them. He has prevented the ordered contact during agreed hours by being out of the house and having all three mobile phones switched off so I can't reach them. On my alternate weekends lately, our son keeps asking me why I hurt his dad and telling me specific reasons why I am a bad mom (such as "I gave them up as I didnt want them anymore"). I raised the issue of telephone contact and denigration with him and now I have a letter from his solicitor saying her client alleges that I am negligent (I let them pack their own lunches instead of making the lunches for them as his new wife does - they are 10 and 14) and he believes that I should have less phone contact with the children as it is interfering with their homework and extracurricular activity time them. I am incredulous. He knows that I can't afford legal action as I have a mortgage to pay on a three bed house which I keep for them to come to every alternate fortnight and have other costs associated with child rearing and child support. I have no idea what to do. I just didnt expect it at all.

jessie said...

I have been the victim of PAS. About a year ago my now 6 year old daughter was physically abused by my X's live in boyfriend. After contacting CPS and rallying her moms parents support my visitation rights quickly diminished. This has gone on for over a year now through. Ive filed on her once and ended up mediating. My only access to her was through school and summer was around the corner. I was still denied visitation and mom ended up moving over the summer without notifying me of course. When i tracked down her location the harassment and stalking began by her boyfriend. He has slashed my breadlines repeatedly and they have both made false allegations against me in an attempt to have me incarcerated. Its hard to believe that the woman I once loved and cared for could allow this. Now she has filed a motion against me stating me visiting her at school is disrupting my daughters education, blah, blah, blah.... We tried to mediate again and of course she was unwilling to agree to our more than reasonable terms. We finally go to court this Monday and I can only pray that a judge will see through the BS and see this for what it really is.

Jordan said...

Oh my good God, I never knew this was a pandemic. I just learned of PAS and I am going through it right now. My ex stole my son, made 3 allegations and the officer put conditions on myself to have no direct or indirect contact with my son eventhough I have been a father for the first 9 days of his life, then cut off like a peice of hanging rope. I cannot being to tell my fustration as I have lived and followed and upheld the law to the best of my ability for 10yrs experience in the security industry, cops who are my personal friends and commrades all see through her BS, but the court system does not. MY only hope now is get the word out and maybe someone will say something. My job, my career, my life and my sons wellbeing are all in jepardy because of her.

alienatedmom said...

I am being cut off from my children. I have to fight for every hour and my ex has only ever played two messages of the daily ones I leave. My daughter is lying to protect him. I asked if she got my messages she said he always plays them but they never have time to call back. I asked her if she got the message last night and she said yes but they were too bust to call back and I told her that I was sorry but I had not called that night as I was away. My relationship with my daughter is worse now and the counsellor keeps telling me it is because of her age and the divorce but in counselling she keeps saying that she wants more time with me but then in front of him she says she had the worst visit ever and will not hug me goodbye. My son is 8 three years younger than his sister and i have less problems with him but he did say out of the blue one day "Why does Daddy keep you from us? and i asked him why he would sa that and he said "It just popped into my head that he does that" Is thin parental alienation or maternal alienation? When reading on the internet it seems like the two are pitted against each other but I am a mom without primary care. True I am not perfect but it seems unfair that my ex is allowed to publicly humiliate me, deny me the "liberal" access I am supposed to be getting and actually have the court and the evaluator (chosen by my husband's lawyer) back him up. i think it is wrong to give power to a person who so obviously abuses it. To use the power to humiliate, and ruin and punish their ex. It doesnt matter the gender. Its wrong to cut a child off from their parent and its REALLY wrong when the courts support that.

alienatedmom said...

I am being cut off from my children. I have to fight for every hour and my ex has only ever played two messages of the daily ones I leave. My daughter is lying to protect him. I asked if she got my messages she said he always plays them but they never have time to call back. I asked her if she got the message last night and she said yes but they were too bust to call back and I told her that I was sorry but I had not called that night as I was away. My relationship with my daughter is worse now and the counsellor keeps telling me it is because of her age and the divorce but in counselling she keeps saying that she wants more time with me but then in front of him she says she had the worst visit ever and will not hug me goodbye. My son is 8 three years younger than his sister and i have less problems with him but he did say out of the blue one day "Why does Daddy keep you from us? and i asked him why he would sa that and he said "It just popped into my head that he does that" Is thin parental alienation or maternal alienation? When reading on the internet it seems like the two are pitted against each other but I am a mom without primary care. True I am not perfect but it seems unfair that my ex is allowed to publicly humiliate me, deny me the "liberal" access I am supposed to be getting and actually have the court and the evaluator (chosen by my husband's lawyer) back him up. i think it is wrong to give power to a person who so obviously abuses it. To use the power to humiliate, and ruin and punish their ex. It doesnt matter the gender. Its wrong to cut a child off from their parent and its REALLY wrong when the courts support that.

Karen said...

Oh Steve- how have you managed to survive all this. Suicide must have also been on your mind!

I am going through this right now and I am a victim 2 times over- a loyal and devoted mother who has even helped her son start up his own little business. Yet, the judgement from the court is not in yet and I can hardly get any contact with my 10 year old son. We are and were very close and my 15 year old daughter is totally against- needless to say my ex never supported me when I would correct her and I also believe he is a narcissist - I am having one hell of a hard time as I feel isolated, no job yet and I am really tired.

Help please . I am wondering if I should go to the media about this whole thing? or would this only make it worse?

Karen

Karen said...

Oh Steve,
How did you manage emotionally? I am presently going through this and I was a devoted full time mother and my ex has turned both kids against me and it is absolutely horrendous.

My ex used to abuse me psychologically and physically and now the violence continues via the kids.

I feel isolate, no job and absolutely no cooperation. Should I go to the media with this while I am waiting for the judgement to be rendered or would this make it worse? I don't know which foot to stand on anymore.

Should I just disappear out of their lives? I am really confused and sad about the whole ordeal.

Thanks.

Karen

Amanda said...

I'm the step mother of two girls who I will never see. All because the mother accused the father of abusing the child. He's disabled and the courts didn't see the BS in her accusations. He took a plea bargain as we were too poor to obtain much legal help...and the public defender had no interest in our side. Now, the mother uses the conviction to obtain a restraining order every year. We may never get to see these girls again. Our hearts are broken. Why can't someone see that he couldn't have abused anyone and that her complaints that "She was afraid of him" were completely BS as he was barely able to walk and cannot work and is considered "total and permanent disabled."